We tend to think of children as special little creatures that need to be nourished and encouraged. This nurturing will help them to grow into reasonable and respectable adults. But the hilarious truth is that kids are basically born as tiny little drunk adults who will eventually just grow a bit larger physically as time passes.
Behold: photographic evidence that children are just small drunken adults.
They Pass Out ANYWHERE
These two tots were probably happily hanging out just a few minutes earlier, sharing their funniest changing table stories and discussing which onesies they are going to wear to Timmy’s birthday party. Then all of a sudden, bam! Passed out cold right in the middle of the living room floor.
Short-Term Memory Loss
We’ve all been there, admit it. Every one of us has scarfed a bag of chips (or muffins in this case) and totally forgotten about it like 30 minutes later, only to throw a fit when we discover that our snack stash is gone. This little dude is ticked off.
Don’t Take A Drunk To A Fancy Restaurant
OK, so this doesn’t actually classify as fancy, but it’s clearly the type of place where you’re expected to sit on your butt, not your face. He’s probably laughing like a lunatic, too. Looks like he’s had one piña colada too many.
How Did I End Up Here?
Have you ever had too much to drink and found yourself wedged into a really awkward position? Yeah, neither has this kid. She has no idea how she ended up in the floor vent, and she’s not too happy about it. Looks like she’s about to blame someone else for putting her in the floor.
That Moment When You Forget You Already Have A Beer
This wee chap appears to be in the process of ordering yet another beer when he still has one in front of him. He’s beckoning to the bartender for another round while he can barely even keep his eyes open. Even worse, it looks like he’s snapping his fingers at the waitstaff! So rude.
Really Poor Motor Skills
One moment, this kid was running around in the grass and reveling in the beauty of nature. The next thing he knows, he’s head over heels and doing the splits with his diaper on full display. This move is one that can only be mastered by drunks or toddlers.
That Distinctive Smile
You know the smile – the one that only happens after about a dozen too many beers. This toddler is presenting a perfect example of that smile here. He looks like he’s had his share of Jell-O shots (no teeth, after all) and maybe a little bit of something green, too.
When They Pass Out, They Pass Out HARD
You can do just about anything to a drunk person who’s passed out. Draw on them, dunk their hand in warm water, whatever. It looks like someone decided to mess with this passed-out kid and balanced a bunch of Cheerios on his head while he was out cold. There’s a silver lining here, though – that cereal will come in handy when he’s battling a hangover in the morning.
We all have that friend who tends to get really surly when he’s had too much to drink. The child sitting in the high chair above looks to be in that state of mind right now. It even looks like he might be doing an impression of a drunken Chris Farley character.
Poor Fashion Choices
When a drunk dresses herself, it looks like she chose her clothing in the dark. The same could be said for this little girl. She made the unusual decision to pair some crooked glasses with white gloves and a shiny pink cape. Elegant… maybe she’s heading to the opera.
When BFFs Turn On Each Other
Both toddlers and drunken adults tend to get into fights with their closest friends at times. Here we can witness two little girls arguing over the classic novel Goodnight, Moon. The great thing is that they probably won’t even remember what the fight was about in the morning and will go on like nothing happened.
Toddlers And Drunks Both Ruin Family Portraits
Awwww. This parent says that she wanted to get a nice photo of these siblings together. This is going to be an adorable photo for the Christmas card…. oh wait. Nope, they toppled over and ruined the shot. Even worse, the kids can’t stop laughing about the fact that they ruined a perfectly good family portrait.
So, you know the whole “drunken fails vs yoga poses” meme? The little girl here captured it perfectly. Is she passed out cold or simply napping in an unusual pose? She’ll never tell. Probably because she won’t remember any of it. Hope she knows that potassium can help with muscle soreness.
Bad Driving Decisions
Some people who like to drink seem to have a hard time making the decision to call Uber and insist on driving themselves home instead. “What seems to be the officer, problem?” indeed. This little kid even has the confused and drunken expression down pat here.
You Have Two Eyes For A Reason
For some reason, consuming copious amounts of alcohol can make it difficult to keep both eyes open. Here’s the toddler version of the phenomenon. Little dude here looks like he’s seen better days, what with the disheveled hair and cyclops look. Things will get better, kid. Just drink lots of water and get some rest.
No Inhibitions Whatsoever
We’ve all been out with someone who’s had too much to drink and starts to act like a bozo in public. Either Dad starts flirting with the waitress, or the baby starts dancing with statues. Best to leave people at home when they’ve had this much to drink.
Waking Up With Your Breakfast
Passing out with a mouth full of food sounds like a really scary thing to do. But this kid looks like a pro. She made it about halfway through her Cheetos before shutting down. But hey, at least she has breakfast ready to go for the morning.
Don’t Say Stop
Here’s another example of a child acting like a drunken adult. This photo depicts a kid who appears so desperate for one last sip of champagne that he’s guzzling it directly off the sandy beach. Let’s hope someone is keeping an eye on him – he seems to be drifting deeper into the water in his attempts to score that last drink.
Pass Out And Pay The Consequences
Everyone knows that being the first (or only) person to pass out at a party gives your friends full rights to mess with you. It looks like that same party rule applies at these children’s house as well. The poor younger child fell asleep and his older sister had a total field day with magic marker. It’ll wash out by the time you hit kindergarten, kid.
It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye
This tot is having a hard time saying goodbye gracefully. Instead, she appears to be an emotional wreck, smashing her tear-filled face and hands against the screen door. Admit it, you’ve had your share of goodbyes that looked like this.