“I’m never drinking again” is the most common phrase said on Sunday mornings, according to very professional and scientific studies. What studies do you ask? Just, uh, lots of them.
We’ve all been there before. That moment you wake up not sure how you got home, or what you even did the night before. Hangovers are miserable and should be illegal. No one likes them, no one invites them places, they just kind of show up. Luckily, Sunday is the day of rest, so it’s totally fine to a complete degenerate on the couch in a sad, hungover state, right Right! Enjoy this hilarious list of glorious Sunday hangovers in action.
If you don’t think there’s groundbreaking innovation when you’re hungover, just wait until you see what’s coming up.
Sundays Are For Learning
Waking up from a blackout only to discover that you finished your Ph.D. would probably be the best thing since sliced bread. Imagine instead of regretting that text you sent to your ex or the 9,000 calories of food you ate while you were drunk, you actually woke up proud. This would significantly increase the rate of alcoholism around the world, but it’d almost be worth it.
Sundays Are For Eating Leftovers
After drunk you decided to crush an entire bag of Cheetos on your walk home from the bar, it’s only fair to leave the best part for when you actually remember it. Sucking the caked on powdered cheese off of your fingers is the most satisfying part of the entire culinary experience.
Seeing anyone you know in public is a disaster when you’re hungover. Coming up, a guy shows us the funniest way to avoid human contact.
Sundays Are For Not Tolerating Children
It either goes one of two ways, either the scenario that was mentioned on the last page or this way. When you wake up with a headache that makes it feel like your world is crumbling in real fast, the last thing you want to have to do is be a parent. Sundays are NOT for parenting that’s basically common knowledge at this point.
Sundays Are For Innovation
Some of the most effective innovation comes on Sundays when parts of your body hurt that you didn’t even know existed. Why? Because your movement is limited but things still need to be done. For example, when you need to wash off your regret from the night before, but also need to eat — this picture happens.
Sundays Are For Sheltering Yourself From The World
Waking up on a Sunday, going to the washroom only to glance at yourself in the mirror is enough to make anyone want to burrow in a hole. When you look like a combination of Brittney Spears in ’08 and David Hasselhoff in his drunk burger video you become aware that this day is completely written off.
Coming up is the relatable face you make when everyone tells you the embarrassing way you got kicked out of the bar the night before.
Sundays Are For REALLY Sheltering Yourself From The World
This takes laziness to an entirely new level. Ordering pizza not just to your house, but to your room is a power move of all power moves on a Sunday. A lot of respect goes to the delivery driver as well because she’s obviously an empathetic person who understand the struggle some people face on Sundays.
Sundays Are For Staying In Bed All Day
There is no way your head is leaving your pillow on some Sundays. It gets so bad that you end up finding yourself getting annoyed that TV screens are always facing straight and never tilt with your head. It’s little things like this that end up being the biggest burden when you’re stuck in bed with a severe hangover.
Sundays Are For Regrets
When you gather with your friends to talk about the night before and they start chatting about how big of a degenerate you were, there’s really nothing more cringeworthy. It’s unnecessary to tell the person who blacked out the night before that they tried to kiss the Uber driver, or got kicked out of the bar for dancing on the booth table when there was no music.
Just ahead is the hilarious result of going to work with a severe hangover and barely being able to function.
Sundays Are For Water Deprivation
That moment you wake up and your body is screaming for some sort of liquid other than tequila. It’s the moment that you all of the sudden relate to Tom Hanks in Castaway and are desperately needing some water to survive. It’s this strange combination of being desperate for water, but not desperate enough to actually move to get it.
Sundays Are For Being Your Better Self
Saturday night you’re raring to go for a night out on the town, dressed to the nines with your best outfit on. Sunday you’re hair looks like it hasn’t been washed in 15 years, your eyes can barely open and your favorite outfit is crumpled in a ball on the floor. Nothing makes sense in the morning, you question if you’re even a human being anymore.
Sundays Are For Going To Work
There’s a full list of things you should want to do instead of going to work. One of them is to sleep on cardboard boxes AT work, another is to just stay in bed and pretend something incredibly important came up. Going to work hungover is actually counter-productive anyways and places of employment should honor “being too hungover to come in” as a legit excuse.
Some of the best (worst) meals you’ll ever eat come on Sundays when you poisoned your taste buds the night before, one of those meals is just ahead.
Sundays Are For Questioning Your Existence
Everything you love when you’re intoxicated becomes very questionable in the sober dew of the next morning. You loved texting your ex whom you despise sober and feel physically dirty about texting after a few too many tequila shots. But perhaps your biggest regret was mauling the XL double stuffed pizza down your gullet post bar.
Sundays Are For WebMD
Sometimes hangovers are paralyzing to the point you actually think something is wrong with you. When you’re still focussing on the next breath by 10 p.m. it’s almost a guarantee Google is going to get a visit. By the end of the night, your hangover will have you convinced that you have elbow cancer or chronic eyelash disease.
Sundays Are For Gourmet Meals
Hangover food is basically the forgotten food group. When you’re clouded by the darkness that comes with a regretful hangover your cravings become absurd and unique. It’s like being pregnant, but much worse and not really anything like it at all. You become willing to try different combinations that usually would (and probably should) never go together.
Is there anything better than the taste of hydration on Sundays? Find out just ahead.
Sundays Are For Travelling
There is probably nothing worse than being hungover and while traveling. Traveling on the best of days is already a little miserable, but when you feel like if your bus hits one bump in the road too fast you’ll upchuck, it’s way worse. Chatty passengers are your worst nightmare and screaming babies make walking the rest of your 200-mile trip much more appetizing.
Sundays Are For Hospital Visits
All it takes is a loss of balance while your dancing on the bar before Sunday is spent in the emergency room. Most times you can break a leg, hip, pinky finger, and rib while you’re drunk and still think you’re fine. Alchohol is the best painkiller, but once it wears off on Sunday you can be assured that it’s not going to feel nice.
Sundays Are For Satisfaction
It’s that moment that the first taste of Gatorade hits your mouth. It’s the moment when you wake up in the middle of the night starving for water and you reach for the water bottle and snag it first try. It’s that moment when aforementioned water first enters your throat and it’s like you’ve never tasted water that good before.
Sundays Are For Enjoying Nature
Sometimes it’s just too much of a task to actually make it all the way home so you find “alternate arrangments.” In this case, those alternate arrangments include a face full of stairs and an orange pylon for a bedside table. The fresh air is refreshing to take up to, but the inevitable gash on the face probably won’t be.
Sundays Are For Never Stopping
Blacking out is never fun because it’s like your body says “let’s party” but your mind just wants to sleep. Bad decisions are made that you can’t even regret because you literally don’t remember what you did. You wake up feeling fine because you’re still drunk and the only way to avoid the inevitable hangover is to just keep drinking and never lose your buzz. That’s the mindset that wins championships.
Sundays Are For Tolerating Children
There is probably nothing worse than waking up in a pool of regret and disappointment only to remember it’s your niece’s fifth birthday party. Not only are you on the brink of throwing up, but you have to tolerate the annoying squeaky air horn that “Bozo the Party Clown” brought just to anger all the adults.