Russia’s World Cup Prep Is Stranger and Crazier Than You’d Ever Imagine

Russia is getting extra crazy as it prepares to host the 2018 World Cup. The country, known for its eccentricities is putting the pedal to the medal to impress the world. In 2014 it was estimated that 3.2 billion people watched the World Cup. So in 2018, Russia is pulling out all the stops!

From terrifying stadium “enhancements” to to “taking care” of its stray dog problems, there are no lengths the motherland won’t go to. Keep reading to find out the craziest and most extreme measures Russia is taking to get ready for the month-long tournament. You won’t believe how Russia is bribing English fans to diss their home country!

Russia’s “Death Squads” Are Wiping Out The Stray Dog Population

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Across Russia, “death squads” are hitting the streets to make the country’s stray dog problem disappear. The not so funny thing, some tourists see these resilient dogs as a reason to visit Russia in the first place!

The stray dogs of Russia are a minor media sensation, known to commute into the city on trains and beg for food, these are not your average homeless pups! Russia is insisting they are moving the stray dogs into shelters, but local no-kill groups have leaked photos of dogs beaten to death on the street. Not for the faint of heart!

Violent Threats Against England Aren’t Being Taken Seriously

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As crazy as it sounds, Russia has shown no intentions of increasing police presence despite extremely violent threats towards English visitors. Russian football hooligans (ultras) used VK, their country’s version of Facebook, to warn England to stay away or face the consequences.

One user wrote, “OK. You want a war, then you will have it. Fighting is in our blood – this June we will do more than just sing.” Despite these very real threats, Deputy Chief Constable Mark Roberts only had this to say, “the behavior of Russian fans needs to be a factor in deciding whether to go there or not.” What a relief! Next, we have found the world’s scariest stadium!

Safety Standards Are Russia’s Last Concern

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Photo Credit: UNILADFooty/Twitter

The stadium you see above is terrifying. Russia was forced to add 8,000 seats to Yekaterinburg Arena after it failed to reach FIFA’s 35,000 seat capacity minimum. Instead of building onto the stadium logically, Russa appears to have knocked out a wall and put the new seats on flimsy rafters!

Even worse, for anyone brave enough to buy a ticket for the ultimate nosebleed seats, the view is obstructed almost everywhere! Did we mention the lack of bathroom or concession access from these seats?

Russia Will Introduce ID Cards To Dissuade Fan Violence

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Instead of doing the right things and increasing security, Russia plans to use new ID cards to help keep fan violence at a minimum. We’re pretty sure Russia already uses photo IDs for its citizens, so we’re not sure what the point of this is. Anyways, the plan is to not let anyone in a stadium who does not have a photo ID ticket with contact details.

FIFA seems satisfied, saying they have “full trust” in Russia’s security arrangements. Yes, it is true that police will be present at every game and every stadium, but will it be enough if Russian ultras come through on their promises? Photo IDs don’t strike us as the best form of self-defense!

Russia Says Yes To All The Drugs

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Fans entering stadiums in Russia for the World Cup can apparently bring any drugs they want with them. The country will not stop anyone from entering the stadium who can show they have a “medical need” for drugs as extreme as cocaine and heroin.

While some of these hard narcotics are 100 percent illegal in Russia, the country will comply with the medical loophole at the tournament. According to a joint economic trade bloc with several countries, citizens can enter Russia with their drugs with the proper paperwork. They can then casually take those drugs into the stadiums with them. You think that’s crazy, keep reading to see what Russia is bribing English fans with!

English Fans Are Being Bribed With Booze And Babes

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Some reports claim that Russia is planning to bribe English fans with alcohol and prostitutes to appear on TV. Once on TV, these fans will be instructed to trash talk United Kingdom Prime Minister Theresa May. Tensions between Russia and the United Kingdom arose after the poisoning of Sergei Skripal.

Professor Anthony Glees, the director of security studies at the University of Buckinghamshire, said, “Every British fan that goes to watch England play is a target for the same sort of subversive methods the KGB used before the collapse of communism.”

Cossacks Are Being Deployed To Monitor Gay Activity

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A group of Russian Cossacks is prepared to protect their city from homosexual activity during the World Cup. Russia, who we’ve already noted is doing little to increase security for the tournament, will hopefully do something to keep these extremists at bay.

The Cossacks don’t expect interference from their plans. If they see gay fans kissing, they will stop it any way necessary. Oleg Barannikov, a co-coordinator of the paramilitary group claims police will be asked to intervene before Cossacks do. It doesn’t really sound that way to us!

Russia’s Costs To Host Have Mysteriously Skyrocketed

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Russia estimated hosting the World Cup would cost around $5 billion. With the event kicking off, the actual cost has ballooned to $11 billion! That’s not cheap, and probably not very smart on Russia’s part. Also, we’re not sure where the extra $6 billion went if it didn’t go into stadium standards!

There’s one big reason doubling a multi-billion dollar budget is insane. Russia’s domestic team is ranked 65th in the world. If they don’t make it out of the group stage, attendance numbers and domestic interest will plummet. There’s a good chance that happens… Coming up, is a nuclear war coming to the World Cup?

Fallout Shelters Are Located By Stadiums Just In Case

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As construction was nearing completion on a Russian arena being built for the World Cup, a scary letter was received. Builders were told to build a fallout shelter near the site in case of a nuclear strike during the World Cup. The site is considered to be in the “zone of war destruction and radiation fallout.”

That’s not unsettling at all! The last time Russia feared a possible nuclear strike was 20 years ago. Now they are preparing for the worst again, just in case. And the country Russia is worried about might surprise you; it’s the United States. Sergei Markov, a Civic Chamber member thinks war is all but assured.

Russian Military Will Be Everywhere

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In an obvious flex of his muscles, Vladimir Putin will deploy the Russian military to every World Cup city to help maintain law and order. There’s that extra security we keep asking for! The move comes after Russia witnessed extreme violence during the Confederations Cup in 2017.

Still, not everyone is convinced the extra security is anything to take seriously. Mark Galeotti, a senior fellow at the Institute for International Relations is Prague believes, “this whole event was intended to be a soft power exercise for Russia.” Bring out the bears with guns!

Tourists Will Have Their Behavior Regulated As Soon As They Get Off The Plane

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If you’re planning to be in Russia for the World Cup, prepare to act like the locals! Well, not exactly, but prepare to behave according to Russian guidelines or face immediate consequences. Anyone seen not behaving up to standards will be fined immediately.

Anyone attempting to save money on a hotel and sleep at the airport will be sent packing too! Apparently, enough people sleep at airports that SleepingAtAirports.com exists. Its review of Sheremetyevo Airport reads, “The floor is mostly tiled, so bring something to lie on for warmth.” Noted. Around the corner, the rules for drinking in Moscow; you can’t!

Alcohol Sales Will Be Banned During Match Days

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Russia seems to be forgetting that sports fans love to drink with this crazy measure. Apparently, while fans can bring “medically necessary” drugs into the matches, they will not be able to buy alcohol on match days. The rule will be monitored in the capital city of Moscow, which almost surely will draw the lowest attendance numbers as a result.

The only place alcohol will be available for purchase in Moscow will be the FIFA Fan Zone located at the Big Sports Arena. Yes, it is actually named that. Maybe the alcohol ban is a good thing, after all, it’s not smart to mix alcohol with drugs!

Hotel Rooms Can Be Booked With Cryptocurrency

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Looking to book a hotel room in Russia but finding yourself short on funds? No problem, just dip into your bitcoin account! Perhaps amidst fears of low attendance numbers, some hotels in the host country are allowing visitors to pay for their stays with cryptocurrency.

Apartment Malina, a hotel near Kaliningrad says they’re jumping on the trend early. They believe that payment methods like bitcoin will soon be just as common as using a credit card. It will be interesting to see how this move works out!

You Can Follow Twitter For Rule Updates

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Look how trendy Russia is! The county is using Twitter to post updates on rules, specifically for its national team. The country recently posted that the team should avoid exotic teas and foreign foods to ensure passing all drug tests. Russia, of course, was banned from the Olympics for a massive doping scandal.

No one is quite sure why Russia is publicly telling its team what to eat, but we have a few guesses. Our best one is the country is trying to force the narrative that they are clean. What better way to do that then telling the whole world how to avoid failing drug tests during the World Cup.

If You Stink, You Get A Fine!

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Photo Credit: Yegor Aleyev\TASS via Getty Images

Russia is going to extremes to ensure they are represented as one of the cleanest countries in the world during the World Cup. If you are caught with an unpleasant smell, you’re going to need more than a shower! Russia will fine you on the spot for being stinky or wearing stained clothes.

Don’t worry, though, you can just go to the bathroom and wash up. Nope! You’ll get fined for that too. When in doubt, the only answer is Axe body spray. Bring it with you everywhere you go, for your own safety. Next, be careful how dirty the car you get in is, too!

If Your Car Is Dirty, You Get A Fine!

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Already racked up a hefty fine for wearing the same shirt for three days? Better not get into a dirty car, then! As we said, Russia is determined to clean up its image with the world watching. Dirty cars are banned in cities hosting matches, so please choose your transportation wisely.

To review; always be clean and always ride in a clean car. On the bright side, the fines carry a penalty of 500 rubles, which converts to about eight American dollars. Making a few mistakes aren’t too costly, but it will add up quickly if you can’t make good decisions.

A Possibly Real But Probably Fake Terrorist Plot

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Photo Credit: Mikhail Klimentyev\TASS via Getty Images

According to F.S.B. (the modern K.G.B.), a new anarchist group in Russia has threatened to bomb the World Cup. Facts on the story are limited and fantastical, leading many to believe the plot to be more fiction that fact.

Humans rights groups, in particular, have defended the young people who were brutally tortured for hours. They claim the F.S.B. created the story to impress their superiors. Many also believe the torture story is a scare tactic to scare left-leaning citizens, who are now feeling the country in high numbers.

Welcome To The Mustache Revolution

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Russian fans are growing out their best mustaches to support their home team. The funny facial hair idea was inspired by manager Stanislav Cherchesov. Few flavor savers are as glorious as his!

When you go to Russia and see a surprising amount of mustaches, don’t panic. Just act casual. The country isn’t stuck in the 1970s; it’s just practicing the classic sports tradition of playoff facial hair. The funny thing is, the traditional is usually reserved for the players, not the fans. Coming up, if Russia has its way, fans will be players soon enough!

Russia Supports Fan Violence

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This might explain Russia’s relaxed security approach at the World Cup. After 100 English fans were left injured in a stadium fight during the Euro 2016, Russia voiced support for its fans. Russian fans started the fight; the story only goes downhill from there!

Draka is now being proposed as a new sport. The word means “fight,” and the sport would take fan tension from the stands to the arena. Basically, if one fan challenged another at an event, they would settle their differences in front of a crowd of thousands. Let’s all hope the World Cup doesn’t turn into the Draka Cup!

Over 200 Passports Have Been Confiscated

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Safety matters, and to keep fans safe, Russia has confiscated 200 passports from soccer hooligans to keep them away from the World Cup. Well, they reached out to 200 soccer hooligans to ask for the passports. Around Europes, 1,900 fans have been given the same order.

These fans, who have been identified as dangerous, will have their passports detained until the end of the tournament. Authorities insist that anyone who fails to comply will get a home visit from the police. Not better way to start your World Cup experience than being arrested! Plus, it means the country can pay less for security at the arenas!