Professional Cuddling And Other Services You Never Knew You Needed

In a quickly evolving world, the need for new services is in high demand. There just isn’t enough time to get certain things done on your own and trying new things is always fun. However, there are some services out there that just make you scratch your head. Have you ever voluntarily asked for a snake to give you a massage? If that sounds insane to you then click through and see what other obscure things people can have done for them.

Professional Human Furniture

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You can find furniture through a number of outlets. You have Craiglist, Ikea, and tons of other places to buy the stuff so there really is no shortage of furniture out there. However, this isn’t enough for some people. There are some who are offering themselves as “professional furniture”. This is no joke. Listings of humans wanting to be footrests and chairs have been spotted. Selling yourself as a chair might be a little confusing and hard to do for a living so it just makes us wonder, why in the world would you want to keep letting people use you as a footrest?

Canadian Smuggler

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Trader Joe’s is a store loved by many in America but unfortunately, if you live in Canada then you can’t enjoy the delicious snacks and foods from there. Luckily, in Vancouver, citizens can enjoy Trader Joe’s thanks to Michael Hallatt. In 2012, Hallatt opened a shop that contains food that he smuggles across the borders from Trader Joe’s. He named his shop Pirate Joe’s.

Since Trader Joe’s can’t prove that he is harming their company, the courts dismissed the company’s lawsuit against him. He spends $25,000 per month at their stores so if anything, he is helping their business.

Get A Temporary Marriage

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This is almost like what Kim Kardashian and NBA player Kris Humphries accomplished. The only difference is, theirs was not supposed to be so temporary (or so we hope/believe). No, with this service, you are able to offer yourself to someone and show them the ropes of marriage.

Some people don’t want a real, long-term relationship so this is an interesting replacement depending on how you view it. The person who arranged for it could possibly develop real feelings for their fake spouse and vice-versa so this is risky. But why this is a testament to where we are as a society. This is Tinder on steroids.

This next one is probably one of the biggest “fake it til you make it” schemes.

Might Call The Paparazzi Myself

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Jay-Z has a lyric where he says, ” Photoshoot fresh, looking like wealth I’m about to call the paparazzi on myself.” Well, when that song came out, it was a clever line and no one took it seriously (because why would he need to call them, he’s Jay-Z). But apparently, in New York, you can actually have this happen.

Methodizaz in New York gives customers the opportunity to feel like Jay-Z or rather live out his lyrics in real life. They send photographers out that follow you and take candid pictures throughout the day. Take that, Jay-Z.

Lawn Care Provided By The Attractive

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An unwritten rule of society is that attractive people generally have a better advantage when it comes to being hired for a job. It may not be fair but that’s just how it goes if you choose to believe in that. Well, there are occupations that do require a certain level of hotness and one of them happens to be “attractive lawn care.”

You read that right. You can be visually stimulated as someone works on your lawn. Realistically, this doesn’t sound too obscure but what’s the purpose? There must be a certain set of individuals who really want a service like this.

Cat Walking Coach

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Instantly this already sounds like a crazy idea. First of all, cats don’t need to be walked like dogs or any other animal that likes being taken for a walk. Just let cats do their thing, otherwise that is how you can get clawed in the eye or bitten on the nose. Interestingly enough, people must wish to walk their cats because stores sell plenty of cat leashes.

That’s one thing to try and walk your cat on your own but to hire a coach to teach you how is taking it to the next level. Wouldn’t these coaches have a hard time trying to find clients? Craigslist might be the biggest help for these coaches.

Do you like snakes?

A Snake Massage

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When it comes to massages, there are so many different options you can choose from. You can get hot rocks put on your back so a human doesn’t even need to do it anymore. But wait, that is not the end. If you are fond of creepy, crawly animals then this service might be for you.

There are massage providers that offer non-venomous snakes to assist in relieving tension and help relax muscles. Just because they’re non-venomous only makes this service slightly more appealing. You can’t trust a snake as far as you can throw one. What if they attempt to constrict you?

Cuddling Services

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“Our society is hungry to feel close to ourselves and others in healthy ways,” wrote co-founder and director of training at Cuddlist, Madelon Guinazzo. “Cuddling is a vehicle for this. We have done so much in the last 50 years to protect people from unhealthy abusive touch. Now we are ready to discover new ways to provide healthy nurturing touch.”

As you can see, this company called Cuddlist is the real deal. You are able to search by region for a professional cuddler to cuddle with complete with their own bio, as you see in the picture.

Professional Mermaid At Your Request

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For those who think the Little Mermaid was all fake, it’s time to think again. A woman by the name of Melissa Dawn is a professional human mermaid. People are able to hire her for birthday parties and corporate events. If you think this is a joke then you are wrong, because she is able to hold her breath for a whole five minutes.

They call her Mermaid Melissa and she wishes to save the oceans before all living creatures become mythical. She used to work at SeaWorld but spoke out against them and the way they allegedly treat their animals. Now Melissa does her own thing as a mermaid.

The Hangover Bus

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Late, boozy nights out never seem to get old. Getting blasted with your close friends and having a great time is one of life’s luxuries. This is especially fun when you are younger but the older you get, the harder it is for you to hold your liquor. We are assuming that this demographic is who this service is designated for.

The Hangover Heaven bus allows you to get on and get an IV hydration, anti-inflammatory and anti-nausea medications. A remarkable service indeed. The only thing is, they don’t provide you with a ride home.

Just Hire A Nudist

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Already, this is highly intriguing. This is almost akin to the attractive lawn workers, but with fewer clothes. In South Africa, The Natural Cleaning Company sends out hourly workers to your house and they work naked. And they just don’t do taxes, they will help you with accounting, cleaning and even legal work.

Not to say this is a completely weird service because cultures in other countries are different but who came up with such an idea? The only thing that isn’t offered is prostitution.

Up next, another strange massage tactic that you might have to think twice about.

The Trusty Cactus Massage

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We’ve discussed the snake situation but now it’s on to a more natural massage, if you wish to call it that. We guess it could be similar to acupuncture but why not just get that instead? A lot of questions need to be asked for this one but in Mexico, many of the resorts are offering this service for their guests.

The type of cactus is a Hakali. We guess you can ask for the ones without the stems like you see in the image above but still, what difference does a cactus make opposed to a different plant? Are there any real health benefits here or is Mexico pulling a fast one over our eyes?

The Umpire Pastor

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Yes, this is exactly what it looks and sounds like. Baseball is usually only seen through one scope, meaning that people usually only care about the pitchers and those who are good at hitting. Defensive positions get a little recognition but not as much as the others previously mentioned.

The second thought is for sure the umpire. We only take notice of them when they make a bad call and get in shouting matches with the players and coaches. Truth be told, they take a lot of heat and Dean Esskew is here for them. Esskew is a pastor from Oklahoma who provides spiritual guidance for umpires as he travels the country.

Want To Eat Like The Felons?

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When convicts are sentenced to the death penalty, they get to request a last meal. It could be anything like steak and lobster or even a grilled cheese sandwich. Why not, they are about to be gone forever. In Toronto, you are offered the chance to eat what they ate.

The Last Meal Delivery Service will bring you an identical meal that was requested by a death row inmate. And it doesn’t stop there. They will also give you a paper mask that matches the likeness of that felon.

Up next, in a rush to get married?

Mobile Weddings

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Do you think you’ve found the love of your life? Is every moment with this person the best moments of your life? Well, you don’t have to wait any longer to get married at some fancy chapel — you can call the wedding to you! With the Las Vegas Wedding Wagon, you pick your location, date and time, and all you need is your license from the Marriage Bureau. They will literally come meet you at the designated location and then you get to be with this person you love so much until death do you part.

The Ear Cleaning Parlor

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In the Japanese government, it used to be a medical procedure to have your ear cleaned but in 2006, that was tossed out the window. As a result, the new business that sprung up out there was ear-cleaning parlors. Why not just get yourself a Q-tip?

“It’s so relaxing that three out of four clients, who are mostly men, fall asleep during the session,” says Yoshimi Sasaki manager of one ear parlor. “Because of all the stress people have and lack of real-world communication due to the Internet, they want to make a connection with someone and experience healing.”

Be Professionally Comforted

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Did your significant other just end it with you? Perhaps your beloved pet just ran away and you have no clue of their whereabouts. Whatever you may be melancholy for, there is someone out there willing to make you feel better! So don’t be down in the dumps too much. This is similar to the professional cuddler in a way except no cuddling is involved. These people are provided you with the emotional support that you are looking for and are complete strangers. This is the emotional equivalent of a physical worker. Don’t be afraid to use these services, no matter how random it is.

Have Someone Say They’re Sorry

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Some of us have entirely too much pride. So much that it is difficult to dish out a proper apology without it sounding begrudging. Thankfully, if you happen to be in Japan, you can have this handled for you!

Gone are the days of spiteful apologies, if you are in Japan that is. You can hire someone that takes cares of apologies for you — but crying costs extra. Does this even carry the same weight of a regular apology from the person who is supposed to say it? Fly over to Japan and find out for yourself.

You’re Getting To Heaven

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We know, this already sounds like a pile of blasphemy but we had to include it. For those who are religious and know about Heaven, you know how far-fetched this service offering a reservation in eternal paradise is. However, for those who may not be as informed on the topic, you may be wondering if this is true.

We’re here to tell you that you should do whatever your heart desires but remember, you get a full refund if this doesn’t work. The only problem with that is, you’ll be dead and money won’t be of use to you anymore so to those who actually fall for this, we wish you well the remainder of your life.

Hang The Bike

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Yes, we know. Isn’t that supposed to be an animal head hung up on the wall and not some handlebars? Well, if your bike is your best friend then bicycle taxidermy is the right way to go for you. You don’t need big game on your wall anymore when you put your favorite bike that you’ve traveled over 1,000 miles up instead.

Regan Appleton in the U.K. will mount your bike for a trivial fee so that makes it even more tempting. This is something bike lovers do not want to miss out on.